Imagine

I recently returned home from a beautiful vacation in Mexico. The weather was perfect, the water was an amazing turquoise blue, the sand was white and I had the best company a gal could ask for! It was a perfect time away.

Even though everything was as perfect as it could be, what I will remember most is a scene I saw the day before I was coming home. My partner and I were eating breakfast and this cute little girl around 2 years old was sitting at the table in front of us with her parents. The resort we stayed at was a family resort and there were lots of sweet little kids around, but this little cutie was something else! Her mom had her on her lap to feed her, and all of a sudden, this little tot leaped off her mother's lap and quickly clasped the hand of a four year old boy! They both were smiling at their families as they proudly held each others' hands like they had just won the lottery. She shyly was pulling her dress above her head and he looked around the room like he was escorting a debutant to the ball and they were on stage for all to see. They continued like that and played together in the restaurant for the remainder of our breakfast. It was so precious!

This was such a beautiful raw act of connection. There was no dancing around trying to impress, hide, or be someone they weren't. They liked each other and they knew it, and they were happy.

There are many different beliefs as to why we are here and what this life is about. This is mine: that we are all here looking for each other. We are here to love. When I looked at those two children I saw what honest love looks like when it's not complicated by trying to protect our fragile sense of self. It made me think how much easier our lives would be if we could only remember what it was like to love when we were young, before we complicated things to try and make ourselves so hard to love. As John Lennon sang: "You may say I'm a dreamer. But I'm not the only one. I hope someday you'll join us. And the world will live as one."

We are what we think

We are what we think.
All that we are arises with our thoughts.
With our thoughts, we make our world.
-Buddha

Thanks to the Buddha for keeping it real. We've all heard the quote "whether you think you can or can't, you're right," and it's the truth. Our entire realities are made up purely of perceptions, and most of our perceptions are clouded by past experiences and hurts so we are rarely even perceiving clearly.

What if you took can't out of your vocabulary, what might be different? Last year I played an experiment with myself of not only saying yes to every opportunity I could, but committing to following through with them. My motto during that time was "lets make it happen" and do you know what? I did. It was one of my best years ever, and the most fun! Our perceived limitations are only as real as we let them be, but our strength and courage are also as strong as we believe them to be.

Believe you are everything, that this world was made for you to succeed. Why? Because it's true.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

What did you want to be when you grew up? I was lucky enough to have parents that told me and more importantly believed that I could be anything I wanted to be. Sadly, I think they were hoping that I would fulfill my dreams of becoming the President of Canada instead of becoming a yoga teacher, but I think they're over it by now...

Growing up I also had a passion for fashion design and hoped that one day I would have my clothes walking down a runway in a posh Paris studio. I'm not so interested in fashion anymore, but when I listen, there's the same passion and purpose that my life is meant for something big. When I was younger, it was more about the fame and glamor of the fashion professions, now, it's quieter, more soulful, and more urgent than ever before. I, probably just like you, know I was put here for something important. I believe this life is precious and short and although life is strong it is also very fragile because it can be drastically changed or taken from me at any moment. I have no illusion that death is always near, just like birth, and perhaps that is where my urgency has set in.

What happened to our childhood hopes and dreams? Did we let society convince us that we were meant simply hope for the best and clock in and out each day and never hope for more? What was it that drove your heart when you were young, and what happened to your dream? Is it still the same, or is it now something different? All of us, when we get quiet enough to listen to the echos in our own hearts, we know we are meant for something more. So today, I challenge you to uncover what inspires you to be and give your best, and take one small step off the road that's known towards one of your dreams, whatever that may be. Find your luminous truth, and let it shine.

Love the life you're in

Do you ever wonder what you're life could have been or still could be if things were different? You know, like, say if you won a million dollars or were born into a different family situation or had the freedom to do anything you wanted? I think most of us have the 'my life would be perfect if only if (fill in the blank) was different. The problem with that statement is it leaves us feeling powerless. There is no sense of personal empowerment or direction in that statement, it is in fact a power-sucker.

My personal beliefs are to accept everything as it is, and see the opportunity in every situation. However, this does not mean that I accept everything and do nothing. Accepting things as they are allows me to see reality for what it is so that I have clear judgment about how to proceed next. Wishing things were different is the opposite of this belief. Wishing, is not accepting things for how they are and then doing nothing about it.

We all have our own pretty patterned and colourful baggage that we cart around, and usually it's quite heavy. However, it's not the baggage that keeps us stuck it's what we choose to do despite the baggage. How you live your life is still ultimately your choice. You can choose to be the victim of your reactive (we all have some, it's ok you're human) behavior and history. Or, you might choose something different.

I find it amazing to hear people's responses when I ask them 'what would be different if you won a million dollars?' Most people see freedom and happiness in that vision. My next question is, 'why can't you have that now?'. My belief is that money isn't the answer, sometimes it might feel that way, but in the end all any of us want is to be happy and to make our loved ones happy. You can do that today. Right now. If you're waiting for a lottery to finally start writing your book, go back to school, do what you really love, you might as well let that dream go because it will never happen. If this is really something you want to do you would find a way to start now, because even if you had the money, if you haven't started by now, you probably won't start then either.

You don't need to start writing your book, or whatever you've been putting off, but you can start being more accepting of the way things already are in your life and realize that happiness isn't going to happen once something else changes. Santosha, or contentment isn't about finding happiness at the end of the road, it's about being present with your life and loving it anyways. The good news is that nothing needs to change for you to finally be happy. Happiness is already here. In every breath, every moment, all the time. It is built into you. All you have to do is slow down enough to see the miracle and the beauty of this life. Your life. And if you still want to write a book, don't wait. Do it today.

Practice

Our yoga mats are a place for practice, not only practicing funny shapes with our bodies, but practicing how we would like to be in life. Nothing is isolated. How we approach our practice is how we approach our lives. If you decide to take on using your time on the mat as a laboratory for life, you will surely learn great insights to your attitudes and behaviors which in turn will start to create shifts in your life off the mat.

I believe everything is about relationship. Not just with other people, but your relationship to your life, your practice, yourself. All interactions are included in the law of cause and effect and we are in constant relationship with each other and everything in our surroundings which adhere to this law. Every action has an effect on our environment, whether it's intended or not and we often take this lightly.

As a teacher, I am in relationship with my students and I am very aware of my relationship and the potential that lies within that relationship. A teacher has the power to inspire, to awaken new insights, to shine light on new concepts, and also to harm. Words and tone are powerful tools to teach, but more important than that is: intention. Everything we do rests on the tip of motivation, our intention. There have been studies done in classrooms where a teacher in Class A was told she had 5 gifted students in her class but wasn't told which ones, and a teacher in Class B was told she had 5 gifted students and given 5 random names. Neither teacher were allowed to tell the students that there might be any possibly gifted students. The results from class A was the the overall class's marks went up considerably. In Class B the 5 random students' grades went up considerably. The teacher in Class A believed any of her students might be gifted and thus treated them ALL like they were gifted. In Class B, the teacher believed these 5 students were gifted, and so the students performed like they were. Our intentions come through.

On our mats we have the opportunity to get to know ourselves which invites us to look at where our motivations lie. Are we looking to protect ourselves? Be right? Cover our shame? Show our superiority? All of these come from a small self. A self that we feel we need to protect because it feels just too risky to be or show our authentic self lest it be rejected or hurt in some way. Or perhaps is it possible to let go of protecting a 'small' self and reside in a vulnerable yet courageous space that's sufficiently secure so that being wrong means that we're still be ok? Is it possible to be rooted deep enough in our self that we aren't subject to taking things personally and really get that we're all here just learning, growing, and doing the best that we can? Can truth, love, and understanding trump our feelings of inadequacy and the need to cover that up?

As an example, when we argue with our partner or friend, if we want to be right, it doesn't matter what words we use, we will come across as arrogant. On the other had, if we can first root ourselves in coming from a place of love, of becoming solution oriented instead of needing to be right, it's not possible to say something hurtful. 

In the end, it's not our words that matter. When we listen to our own self talk, how we speak to each other, no one will remember the words. People rarely remember what we say, but how we make them feel. Using your mat as your laboratory is a safe place to start awakening your life by becoming present to how you are living it, and perhaps realigning how you are relating to it and everything it touches. As the Buddha said: Be a lamp unto yourself.

What if you could do it better?

The only real failure in life is not to be true to the best one knows.
Buddha

A common theme for me over the last few weeks has been "what if you could do it better?" This came to me after a networking meeting here in Regina, and what I noticed while I was speaking were words like: transformation, catalyst, change; while speaking about my business. These are big scary words, and a lot of the people I spoke to saw the benefits of what I was offering, but for someone else. 

This got me thinking that big scary words are not very attractive because they make us 'wrong' in our ways of being. That doesn't sound very safe, and it's definitely not what I want for my potential clients and students. What I do want, is for people to get thinking about 'what if you could do it better?' This is a very general question that applies to every area of importance to everyone's life. What if you could do your life better? What if your whole life is really the one you made it, and in 30 years you could look back on it with pride and satisfaction because you really lived and loved the heck out of it? What if you could start today?

We did not just 'end up' where we are in our lives. We are currently where we are because of the choices we've made and the steps we've taken, and your life might be really good, but what if you could make it better? Many of us spend a great deal of time on education and training for our work, but no one is going to remember you for being good at your job, they will remember you for how you lived your life, and that could be over tomorrow.

We all live our lives as though we will live forever, yet are paralyzed by the fear of dying, so we do nothing. We live complacently in an illusion that we have all the time in the world to do and say the things we always intended to but never quite get around to. What if you knew that you only had one month left to live? What would you do? Who would you call? Why are you waiting?


Perhaps it just takes a reminder, 'what if you could do it better?' to shift your neutral gear into one that ignites your whole life!

Thanks-giving

So I was giving some thought to what Thanksgiving means to me, and how I'd like to talk about it in my class tonight on the eve before the long weekend. We have designated one day a year to be grateful for the many blessings most of us are lucky enough to experience everyday. Not that these blessings are necessarily perfect, but I predict that if you had to trade your junk with anyone else, once you saw their junk, you'd rush to take yours back.

There are two parts to Thanksgiving: Thanks and Giving. To be grateful of what we receive, and to give back.  We are so blessed. For most of us we are so blessed that we can't even see how blessed we are because we couldn't even conceive of what it would be like to have anything less than what we have. Most of us have the luxury of a family (a support network). Health (life is very hard without it). A choice of education, and vocations. Wealth (a home, savings, food in your fridge). Freedom, safety, clean water, equality for both sexes. This is all very very fortunate, and most of the world does not have this. We are lucky.

I often hear from students and clients that they lack purpose, that they would like to know what they were supposed to be doing in this world. This of course is usually about work, either the dissatisfaction with their current job or wanting it to be about more. Often, it has something to do with wanting to give back and wanting to make a difference. I started thinking about how much work really impacts our lives. We spend most of our waking time doing it, we (hopefully) are constantly striving to become better, we are often pushed past our perceived boundaries, and perhaps even working towards excellence.

How is work related to Thanksgiving? It got me wondering. What if we worked as hard at life, as we do at work? What if your purpose was to strive for excellence everyday towards seeing the good, and being more kind, generous, and joyous? Or pushing past your boundaries of your perceived limitations? Or striving to make yourself better? Your neighborhood better? Your community better? Your life better? What if your real purpose had nothing at all to do with your job for fulfillment, but the manner in which you do it, and how you impact the people there? If this was your intention, or everyone's intention, how would your life be different? This world be different? What if it was only about how you could give?

I know, I know, it sounds awfully idealistic. But I feel there is a foundation of truth here, and that all of us are capable of living this way. We are capable of it when we step out of our own junk and realize the junk doesn't have to own us.

One of the teachings of the Buddha is that the moon is always full. What this means, is that regardless of the shadows that cross the moon to make it appear to be less than it is, to the moon, it is always full. And so it is with us. Our junk or our stories we've bought into about believing we are undeserving, unworthy or less than we are is not the whole picture and it is not real. They are only a shadow crossing over the perfect, inherently good and whole being that is already there.

So, perhaps this weekend you will spend a few moments counting your many blessings, and in turn, be inspired to give of yourself in some small way. It makes all of us richer.

It could be today

It could be today:
- where you remove 'blame' from your vocabulary
- that you hear the birds singing instead of listening to your internal chatter
- where you meet everyone's eyes and offer them a smile
- that you realize you're ok exactly the way you are, and can forgive all the ways you thought  you weren't
- that you look for the good in all beings, and the opportunity in all situations
- that your body feels easy and comfortable
- that the sun might warm your skin (even it's in a sun patch on the couch on a winter's day!)
- that judgment no longer feels necessary
- that you believe everything is possible and you make it happen!

What if?

I was thinking this morning about how most of us live our lives. We have this horrible fear of death, so we pretend it's never going to happen and that we'll live forever. Consequently, myself included, to avoid facing that fact we live in 'tomorrows.'

Tomorrow I'll make more time for myself, tomorrow I'll eat better, tomorrow I'll start my business, tomorrow I'll start doing the things I always wanted too, tomorrow I'll be happy. Because we live so much in the idea of 'tomorrows' we rarely use 'today' to live our lives aligned with how we would like our lives to look like.

I'll ask you to try something. Write out what an average day looks like for you, from waking up, to going to bed. Once that's complete, I'd like for you to write a list of all the things that are most important to you, the things you love to do, what makes you happiest. Now, compare your day, and your list. How many of those items on your list made it to your day, or had the time they/it deserves?

I think most of us live days, and lives that have somewhat 'happened' to us. Like we fell into it, and just kept going. But what if there was another option? What if you could take that list, and work your day around even a few of those points? How might your life be different?

See, I think that yes, we should be accepting of life as it is, and be in the present moment as it arises. However, we are also in this world to experience it, and we have free will to experience it more fully. So, why not take a chance? Maybe today is the day that you spend more time with your spouse, go to your first class, buy a stranger a cup of coffee. This is your life, live it on your terms and own it.

Touch Your Toes

Yoga is such a funny thing isn't it? We make funny shapes with our bodies, and we expect some kind of result to happen. Most beginner students are a little shocked at how challenging yoga really is, and I look at it as my responsibility to make it fun, and safe enough, for them to want to try it again. We tend to avoid things that are hard as a rule. No one wants to suck, especially at something perceived  to be as easy as yoga!

I am a very hands on teacher, and I give gentle physical, as well as verbal adjustments to all my students. My reason is twofold: not everyone has the body awareness to feel there way into a posture; and secondly, I think our culture is very lonely and we can all use a kind touch. A few weeks ago I offered a suggestion to one of my students in a seated forward fold to use a strap so he could straighten his legs and lengthen his spine forward by leading with his chest. I explained that he was hunching over his bent legs, and the stretch was currently in his back instead of the hamstrings we were targeting. He smiled at me sheepishly, and said, "I know, but I don't want to." He knew I was right, but he had probably been a runner his whole adult life, and his ego may have been experiencing some bruising over the fact that he couldn't touch his toes.

This scenario is common and happens several times a week. Sometimes people are grateful for the adjustment, sometimes their ego is just to fragile to accept it. But what I find amazing (and all of us do this), is how much we attach our personal worth, or our morality, to what we can and can't do whether in yoga or any other activity. I'm no better of a person, or more moral because I can touch my toes than my sweet student that didn't want to use a strap. It is a familiar theme that most yoga students have faced themselves at some point and then beat them self up for being unable to get into a posture. I've been there too, many times. But what I wonder is: why do we feel the need for externals to validate who we are, and our worth to ourselves and our society? I mean, toe touching isn't even a very useful skill for the betterment of our society.

If you summed up what all the Buddha's taught, it would amount to 3 things:
1) Do no harm
2) Act for the good
3) Purify the mind
Not anywhere did they say, "Touch your toes."

So relax, enjoy your body, whatever limitations they may have. As B.K.S Iyengar said "My body is my temple. The asanas are my prayers," and all prayers are beautiful when they are sincere.

Everything We Really Want

I underwent a surgery a week and a half ago which turned out to be more than I had bargained for. Originally it was supposed to be a small procedure with a recovery period of 1-2 days. Upon surgery, the doctor felt the original procedure wouldn't change the issue and chose to do a dissection instead.

All of my discharge material was to support me in recovering from the original procedure, and the information of how to care for myself was very helpful. However, because it said I was supposed to be better in 1-2 days I fully expected that, and everyday that I wasn't recovering and the pain was still unbearable, I suffered more and more. Not just physically, but in my head because I was expecting to already be better, and my heart wept.

The last couple of weeks have been full of chronic pain, medication, small indignities, and a lot of unknowns. I couldn't sit, drive, or lay down with my knees bent, my appetite was diminished, and my mobility was extremely compromised. My usual coping mechanisms of physical activity weren't possible, and then I got sick. It's amazing where the mind goes when there is no anchor. Because I had no idea what was going on, all kinds of terrifying images would fly through my mind: that this may be permanent, and I was terrified that my healthy, active, happy world was about to collapse.

I was squeezed into an appointment this morning to see my specialist, and she advised me that because the dissection was a much more invasive procedure the recovery time would be probably six weeks. SIX WEEKS not 1-2 days. I had spent the last week and a half in pain and terrified of my future, when in fact, this is probably normal. I just wasn't told.

What if I had known? The pain and discomfort would still have been there, but I would have expected it. I could have mentally prepared myself for what was to come post-op, and allowed it to be, instead of feeling the frustration of why it wasn't healing and that there was something larger that was wrong. Right?

I don't think so. The stories of my body being damaged or failing me, didn't really have to draw me in and take over my world. I didn't have to buy into it. We never really know outcomes anyways. Everything changes all of the time, that's the only constant. So, when I look back at what I really wanted: to be healthy. The reason why I wanted to be healthy was the the same reason anyone would, it was so I could be: happy, peaceful, loving. But those were already there. They are for all of us all of the time when we open ourselves to the moment standing before us, without expectation, and with our wide arms open to acceptance. Our conditions are our conditions, but they don't have to influence the abundance of joy, love and peace that are there when we can just stop. Stop the stories of our fears, our wanting; of things, others, ourselves to be different than they are.

Everything we really want is right here. All the time.

Listen for Life's Sweetness

A friend and teacher say this one day in class years ago. I quickly wrote it down because it sounded so beautiful that I wanted to remember it. Later, I wrote it down and stuck it to my fridge as a reminder. Back then, it meant that when I paid attention, even on the bad days, life was good.

Now, I apply it more to the quality that arises in meditation or mindfulness practice. Both of those practices require becoming still enough to really listen, and when we become that still and silent, something wonderful happens. Life's sweetness can be heard in the whisper of my own heart. The song of the birds in a still and early morning. In the glint of sun flowing golden through translucent leaves. I feel it in the warmth of the sand that cradles my body, and the cool breezes that gently sweep through me reminding me I'm alive.

Life is so sweet, and when I pay attention, even on the bad days, life is still good.

Is This All There Is?

"We all know we are meant for more." This is a fundamental truth, and we all know it. Inside each of us is this nagging feeling that there is more out there for us. Life is waiting to burst around the corner. We aren't living to our potential. There has got to be something more to life than this!

I mean, really, there has to be more than the daily maintenance of our bodies, going to work, picking up after yourself, spouse, kids, dogs. More than rush hour traffic, making morning coffee, cleaning toilets, mowing the lawn, and the mundane daily routine of our lives, right? Is this all there really is?

Yes. The nagging feeling about knowing we are meant for more isn't about becoming famous, or rich, or figuring it all out. It's the language of our own hearts asking to be heard, and we're not paying attention. Our heads tell us to plan, to think ahead, to worry, stress, and ruminate about our pasts. But our hearts know no sense of time, and live in the present moment asking for us to wake up, to pay attention, see the beauty before our eyes and participate in the dance of living.

We are very habitual creatures, that are fearful of change, and love thinking. We put thinking above all else, and we create more and more routines, and habits so we can have even more time for thinking! Thinking in itself isn't a problem, but we seem to be spending so much time in our heads that we aren't actually present to the life that is happening around us. Our awareness deadens as we get caught in the stories weaved through our minds. When we spend a lot of time thinking we are missing the scent of our loved ones, the caress of the wind on our skin, the warmth of the sun, and the feeling of being alive.

So I started thinking why we know we are meant for more, and why we feel this lack of purpose and meaning in our lives. The Buddha speaks of us living in a trance, and it's true. The routines we create, the habits we maintain, the thinking we get caught up in, keep us from fully participating in our lives. Yes, we maintain our bodies, we work, we clean toilets. But that doesn't make a life meaningless. By adopting the attitude of paying attention to what and 'why' you are doing anything, and doing them with intention and love makes you a more active participant in your daily life. This dissolves bitterness, and cultivates more joy in doing everyday tasks. We don't have to pick up after those we love out of irritation or obligation. By choosing to pay attention, these tasks can actually be an expression of love to do them. We often get so caught up in the 'doing' and checking off our lists, that our actions become habitual, obligatory, and invisible. When our lives become habitual, we start to 'do' our lives instead of living them. Sadly, one day our lives will be over and we won't even remember it because we weren't really even there we were just thinking about it.

The moments we remember most in our lives aren't necessarily the most dramatic, or poignant, but we remember them because we were fully present to them. This presence and awareness is what makes anything sacred. By bringing presence to our lives, in everything we do, we are thus making our lives sacred. What greater meaning could there be?

You are meant for more than the life you are living. You are meant to be alive!

May you be happy

Metta is often translated as "loving kindness" or "goodwill" which is a meditative practice in Buddhism. I started practicing Metta a few years ago, and it is probably one of the most powerful practices I've experienced. Here's how the all knowing Wikipedia describes it:

"Mettā meditation: the practice of loving-kindness
Mettā signifies friendship and non-violence as well as "a strong wish for the happiness of others", but also less obvious or direct qualities such as showing patience, receptivity, and appreciation. Though it refers to many seemingly disparate ideas, Mettā is in fact a very specific form of love – a caring for another independent of all self-interest – and thus is likened to one's love for one's child or parent. Understandably, this energy is often difficult to describe in words; however, in the practice of Mettā meditation, one recites specific words and phrases in order to evoke this "boundless warm-hearted feeling." The strength of this feeling is not limited to or by family, religion, or social class. Indeed, Mettā is a tool that permits one's generosity and kindness to be applied to all beings and, as a consequence, one finds true happiness in another person's happiness, no matter who the individual is."

I often practice Metta while waiting in line at the grocery store. I'll look at the people around me and silently say to them "may you be happy" or "may you be peaceful." Or, while I'm doing cardio at the gym I'll send love to the other people around me and then extend that to every person I can think of. Sometimes stopped at a red light, I'll send love to the other drivers. Especially drivers that cut me off, or give me lovely gestures with their fingers. They need it the most. What I learn in this practice is: that how we see someone does not depend on who they are, it depends on the eyes in which we see.

This practice is powerful because it makes me softer and feel fuller. In a culture that celebrates toughness, it can be challenging to stay supple, flexible and open. Yet, being soft allows us to feel, to be yielding, and see beyond our own myopic views of the world. Inviting a softer view can enable us to become much more accepting of people, because they don't need to be so different from us if we already feel complete, full, settled and at peace. It becomes easier to allow people to be who they are because they are no longer threatening to us.

I heard a wonderful view to approach our lives: Imagine everyone in the world is a Buddha except one, you. Just by thinking in this way we give ourselves permission to let go of being right, or needing to control or change situations and each other. We can allow everything to be as it is, and accept everyone as they already are, and be open to learning from each.

Heavenly Messengers

So lets start with the small stuff today, why are we here, and what is our purpose? Yeah, right. But isn't that what we are all looking for, some direction to follow in which we give meaning to our seemingly painful, and mundane lives? We seem to strive for that moment when everything will fit together, the climax of our lives that will make everything easier and more worthwhile. Only that moment will never come. Life isn't about reaching a climax, it's a series of events, one after another, and no more meaning than you give it.

One of my dearest friends had expressed to me that they had a fear of being irrelevant, of not mattering. I think most of us can relate to this. We all want to feel like we are worthy of love, appreciation, and having a meaningful existence. I believe the fear itself is really a beautiful thing because it represents the desire to transcend into being more than we are and living a life with purpose.

The Buddha spoke of the "Heavenly Messengers," which consist of the basic truths of the human experience: we are all born, we will all get sick, we will all lose everything we love, we will all age, and we will all eventually die. Pretty sobering truths. However, I see these truths as a great hope. You see, these messengers are here to create the framework of our existence, it's what we do within that framework that gives our lives meaning. If we could grasp the magnitude of these messengers, we would be capable of seeing past the myopia of our own minds and lives and see the greater picture of what unites all of us together.There is such a huge opportunity for compassion, forgiveness, and love because there is so much loss. Life is hard, for all of us, so what can we do in our short lives that will matter? I guarantee it won't involve working more hours, or spending less time with those you love. 

I too want to live a meaningful life, I want to matter, and I want to be relevant. What I am realizing is this: to live with meaning, we must give it one; to matter, others must matter to us; and to be relevant, is to be congruent with the person you are and the person you want to be. So here's what I'm trying: work less, play more, love always.

The divine children...

Last Friday I had a beautiful and mind blowing experience. I'll tell you, you might think I'm crazy, I thought I was crazy for a few moments, but it was the kind of crazy I wanted to stay. Forever.

It happened while I was teaching my noon hour corporate class. They are an amazing group consisting of varying ages and abilities and I have been lucky enough to teach them for the past year. The class itself started like any other, and then everything shifted as I was observing them in tree pose. All of them were working so hard to do their personal best, and suddenly as I was watching them, everything was different, as they almost seemed to change into what I could only describe as rainbows of light and colour. Each of them separate, unique, but intensely beautiful in their own way, and expressing this individual colour through their bodies in asana. It was wild. Then I noticed their actual bodies and realized that appearance of each physical self, is just an accident, it's just kind of what came out to support the non-physical self, and completely irrelevant to the spectacular rainbows of light that lay inside.

In those moments nothing had actually changed, but how I was seeing things had completely changed. I felt such an overflow of love for these individuals on such a deep level I fought back tears because I was so overcome by it. It was such a remarkable way to feel, and I wanted to hold on to it as long as possible, knowing that it would eventually pass. It was a challenge to find the balance of being in the experience while maintaining instruction of the class.

At the end during Shavasana, I always come around to each student and give them a small neck and head massage with a little personal blessing. This time as I looked at each face, I saw them each as the child they once were, and the child they continue to be, through the innocence that still lives inside us all. I felt such a loving nurturing energy come from me as I blessed and cared for each beautiful perfect soul. They gave more to me in those moments then they will ever know.

The moment has passed, and those feelings have dulled, but as a wise man once said to me "You can never not know something once you know." I now know that I was witnessing the truth of each of us, that we are all the divine child dancing in the beauty of our own light.

Take a breath

Yogis often talk about breath being the center of practice. Whether it be asana (postures), or meditation (seated), each is based on focused breathing. So why so much focus on breath? It seems almost silly to focus on something as normal as breathing. I mean, we all do it, all of the time, and we don't even have to think about it. It just happens.

Exactly.

In 10,000 years our DNA has stayed virtually the same, yet our lives have changed drastically. We no longer live in caves, spear our food, or worry about dying during childbirth. Instead we have cell phones, 12 hour days, working weekends, television, email, podcasts, and a whole host of activities and responsibilities that in order to manage and function within the craziness of it all, are becoming numb.

I see it everywhere. We are becoming so numb to our actual lives that we are starting to become thrill seekers to feel alive. Movies and video games are becoming more violent and more real, TV shows are voyeuristic (I mean seriously, why aren't you living your own life instead of watching someone else's? Such a weird phenomenon), relationships are expendable once they lose their luster (you only need to look at divorce rates), we worship materialism like a god, and booze and drugs have become the most acceptable form of socializing because then you can really 'let loose' and 'be yourself.' Really, and no wonder, because how could we ever possibly feel alive when we don't even recognize that we are. That you are. Alive. Right now.

So yogis were on to something. Take  a moment and just sit. Exactly as you are. Let your body relax, and let go of any tension so you can let go of any thoughts that are playing out and purely focus on your body and breath. Feel the weight of the air as it hovers right below your nostrils that moment before you draw it in through your nose (do you realize you are taking in a gas filled with tiny little particles into your body right now?), feel it expand into your lungs (it is now creating a chemical process in your body transforming gas into fuel to keep your body alive), and then feel the release of the breath out through the nose (your body discerned exactly what particles to use creating this reaction and released the rest as waste), before sending it back out into the universe around you. This simple process is really magic. Each breath is really a miracle. There are so many variables that need to occur to not only make this process happen, but possible all together.

Yogis believe that bringing awareness to breath and body are the gateway to the divine which dwells within each of us. While most of us are rushing to keep up with our busy lives, and trying to find things outside of ourselves to feel alive in the moment, yogis are drawing inward. We don't need to look outside ourselves for the answers, wisdom comes from within. So take a moment to sit, take a breath, and realize the miracle that you are. Alive.

The light

One of the things I have struggled with since I was very young has been looking people in the eye. I have consciously been acting on remedying this behavior over the years, but some days it's still tough. I was listening to a podcast this morning and it triggered something in my mind.

I had believed that by averting my eyes I could protect myself from anyone seeing who I really was. That if anyone saw this dark, horrible, fraud, then there was no possible way they could love or accept me. The truth is, the things I carried shame from were from when I was a child and young adult learning about life. They are things that I would forgive any child for doing, so why is it so different when it's about me? Why should I be so lucky to be exempt from making mistakes, and then have the luxury of beating myself up over it?
All of us are included in the experience of being human together, and part of that experience includes the discomforts of being human as well. I honestly believe that all of us make the best choices available to us at the time. All of us want to love an be loved, to be seen, and to connect with each other. However, not all of us are given the same set of tools in how to make good choices depending on the experiences in our lives. So we make mistakes, we learn, and we try again. There are no rules to this experience of life, and often we get hurt, hurt each other along the way, and over time may start to feel shame and unworthiness.

The podcast stated that when we see the beauty in another, we become a mirror for that person to see the beauty in themselves. We become a light, to show them the beauty and the truth of who they really are. To see the beauty in another is to see the Buddha in yourself. How I see this, is that if I am to be really true to my beliefs, it is my duty look people in the eye, to let them and me be seen. It is my, and our, responsibility to be a light for those around us to help them see their own perfect Buddha nature. If we allow ourselves to become a light, we give others permission to shine themselves.

We are the ones we've been waiting for...

I read an excerpt from "Meditations from the Mat," which has a quote from a Hopi elder from the 1999 Summer Solstice in Arizona that has been on my mind lately. It said:

"There is a river flowing now, very fast. It is so great and swift that there are those who will be afraid. They will try to hold on to the shore. They will feel they are being torn apart and suffer greatly. Know that the river has its destination. The elders say we must push off into the middle of the river, keep our eyes open and our heads above water. See who is in there with you and celebrate. At this time in history we are to take nothing personally, least of all ourselves, for the moment we do that, our spiritual growth comes to a halt. The time of the lone wolf is over. Gather yourselves; banish the word 'struggle' from your attitude and vocabulary. All that we do now must be done in a sacred way and in celebration. We are the ones we've been waiting for."

What I find so compelling about this statement is the truth behind it. We can all feel the restlessness within our own lives. Something is happening to everyone I talk to. The feeling that there must be something more, that life has to mean more than going to a decent paying job everyday, buying more things, and present ourselves as successful beings only to come home empty and depleted. Living lives of quiet desperation. Each and everyone of us knows deep inside that we are meant for more, if we could just find the courage to step into the canoe and see what magic lies ahead. If we could let go of our need to to hold onto our egos, our need for control, and lay our trust into the universe and each other.

I know that if each one of us started taking small steps towards the canoe, we would become a light unto each other. Giving all those around us the permission to also take risks, and consequently to shine even brighter. The time is now, we are the ones we've been waiting for.

Angels in disguise

I believe angels walk among us, white knights and fairies too. I really do. There is real magic in this world if you only open your eyes. Only last week I encountered an angel...

I have been teaching 20 classes a week for almost 2 years now, most people say I am crazy, and some days I feel it too, and lately more than I'd like to. I had been feeling burnt out, uninspired, and sick of my own voice, and then...like magic, poof!...an angel walked into my life! After class last week, I was chatting with one of my very wonderful students, and she had asked me what else I do for work. The conversation went something like this:

I laughed, "This is all I do for work, I teach yoga full time."

"You mean you get to do this everyday? You get to be in this space, immersed in yoga all the time?"

"Yeah...I guess I do," I said smiling.

"Oh, my gosh! You are so lucky! I get to come here for an hour, when I can fit it in to my life. You get to live this stuff everyday!"

"Its true, I really do."

And that's when I got it. I mean I REALLY got it. I suddenly had a vision of me a few years ago, struggling in my life, unhappy, and wishing that I could live a life aligned with my values, where I was using my body, and helping others to realize amazing lives for themselves. I realized, that I had literally done a 180 degree turn from where my life was, to where it is now, and I am currently living my dream that I had wished for and more. Isn't that remarkable? What I had wanted, my deepest hearts desire, is here, right now, as my life, and I couldn't see it for what it was.

What my angel had done, is succeed in waking me up to the wonderment and beauty of my life. I had such a profound experience of gratitude, for my lovely student (who is surely my teacher as well), and for the life I was living. Its true, I 'get' to do this yoga thing everyday, I 'get' to live its philosophy, I 'get' to live my life on my terms, and I can also 'get' to appreciate how wonderful it is as long as I can keep my eyes open to it.

Who am I?

After teaching tonight, I was in the shower, my mind racing with what I would write as my first post. I mean, this is my introduction of me to the virtual world, and what I say could have drastic implications on how my blog is viewed....right?

So, my thoughts started going to how do I introduce myself...who am I? Everything I thought of to describe myself started to feel inadequate. I could introduce a physical description: 31 years old, 5'3", blond hair, blue eyes; I could introduce my vocations: yoga and JourneyDance instructor, Wellness Coach and workshop facilitator; my life's intentions: to live joyously, with meaning, and help others do the same; but how would I introduce me and what aspects are relevant?

We all have experienced different aspects of ourselves that show up in different places and different times. Some, have an aspect that is our "work me", or "party me", "yoga me", "spouse me", and the list goes on. I started thinking of when I used to work in bars, and the "bar me" was an extremely fun, flirtatious, easy going party girl. I was always happy, had something witty to say, and was very interested in everything you...my patron. I stopped making friends with my patrons because they soon realized that once I was out of uniform, out of my environment, I was a much more quiet, introspective person with some pretty intense philosophies of the world. I was tired of feeling that I was disappointing them so I just stopped making friends at work. I had no idea how to merge these two parts of me to be an authentic representation of who I was.

Then when I started teaching yoga, I finally felt like I could rest into who I really was. But in fact, I started to feel as though I now had to fit into a different role. One in which I had to be wholesome, spiritual, practice daily,and not drink booze. It was a lot of pressure to be this yogini I thought I had to be. Especially coming from the complete opposite environment in my past. The interesting thing is, as I actually started living my truth, speaking my truth, and being my truth, none of that mattered anymore. As the duplicity or even multiplicity, of who I was merged into one whole being I actually became more wholesome and spiritual, practicing daily became a part of my daily ritual, and I no longer care to have a few drinks to let go, because there's no longer anything to let go of.

So, how do I want myself introduced? My name is Tina, I'm a young woman with big dreams, with an open heart, a lot of faith, and just trying to figure it all out. Nice to meet you.