Esteem of self

Self worth and confidence for some people seem to be something that they are born with, for the rest of us (and there are many!), these are qualities we can learn and develop. 

Time and time again, whether it be my coaching clients or my yoga students, I see one consistent theme in how they develop confidence and self esteem: they do the work. That means that: if they aren't "feeling like it" they do it anyway; if challenges seem insurmountable, they take it one step at a time; if they don't know how, they learn. The key is in the attitude which I call the "yet" attitude. When someone says to me "but I don't know how," I finish their sentence by replying "yet." Whether it's "I'm not strong enough," "I can't," "I'll won't be able to," each of these can be finished by "yet." So what if you aren't who you expect yourself to be right now, no one is, but if you keep working through the tough stuff you will be. Anyone we admire was born with the same intelligence as the rest of us, they became worthy of our admiration by doing the work regardless of the obstacles along the way, and you can too.

The best part is that it's by doing the work which brings us self esteem and confidence. This is because each time we do it, we are proving to ourselves in a very real way that we can count on ourselves and that we can do it. Each time we prove to ourselves we can do it, we are saying yes to ourselves that we are worth it. That's powerful stuff, and it will transform your life.

Dictionary.com defines esteem in this way:

esteem   /ɪˈstim/ Show Spelled

–verb (used with object)

1. to regard highly or favorably; regard with respect or admiration: I esteem him for hishonesty.

2. to consider as of a certain value or of a certain type; regard: I esteem it worthless.

3. to set a value on; appraise.

 
–noun

4. favorable opinion or judgment; respect or regard: to hold a person in esteem.

 

All of these definitions include a favorable judgment worthy of high regard and respect, and respect is something that is earned. So as we slog through the hard stuff, we are proving to ourselves each time that we are strong, capable, and worthy of not only the respect of others, but our own.

Heaven and Earth

Today I had a brief conversation with a fellow teacher regarding our bodies as machines and how they need regular maintenance because we need them to survive our entire lives. Later, I was in the shower sitting on the edge of the tub looking down at my legs and this thought came to me again, but this time on a different level.

As I looked at my body, it wasn't as if I was looking at my body, but more the experience of looking at is as my machine, like my car. And I guess it really is my 'car', after all it is the vehicle that carries me through this world, yet it was quite refreshing to experience it as something somewhat detached from the usual internal judgment of it's appearance, how it's failing, or how it's not quite how I wish it would be. It simply became my vehicle, and suddenly I cherished it.

This is a spiritual awakening in it's own sense, to experience oneself as not 'self' but of something larger than the small confines of one's own body. I mean you can't really believe that what you see in the mirror can possibly contain the beauty, complexities, and vastness of who you really are, do you?

We are in a constant dance within the human experience between heaven and earth. The earthly experience of responsibility, the reality of the mundane, routine, and day-to-day life. It is easy to get stuck here, to go through the motions of living without really experiencing what it is to be alive. Then there is the heavenly experiences of connection, divine beauty, trust, and inner knowing that can grace us with the reminder that there is greater meaning to this life. A reminder of the spectacular harshness, and astounding beauty of what it is to be alive in this world and that you are a part of it. So we tip-toe and dance between the two worlds, feet firmly grounded in the real, our hands reaching towards possibility and purpose. After all, we are all made of stars...

New Year, New You...

It is officially a New Year filled with new energy and hope for 2011. Many of us made New Year's resolutions, but unfortunately the statistics show that 90% will never succeed past 2 weeks. How is that possible when we are so determined and hopeful that 'this year will be different', the statistics are so dismal?

Most resolutions include: losing weight, eating better, quitting smoking and making more money or debt management. All of these require not only an action to change, but a specific behavior needs to be altered every single day. A good intention is great but for it to stick consistent action is required to make the change. This is why diets don't work.

To lose weight, most of us opt for a diet. A diet requires us to alter our eating habits for a period of time until the desired weight loss is attained. The key here is: for a period of time. This may not seem like much but it means everything to a mind that is addicted to eating a certain way, because it 'knows" that the period of time will end and it can resume it's previous habits again. This is what got us the weight gain in the first place. So why go there?

This is also true for quitting smoking, or drinking, or whatever other vice has got us. If you are a chronic smoker or alcoholic, there is no 'social' smoking or drinking. You have to first make the decision to alter your behavior for good or it won't stick. I quit smoking twice to learn that lesson, and it has been almost 10 years since I had a cigarette so I know this is true.

Everything in moderation has been the recommendation, but I disagree. If you want to lose weight there is a specific calculation that you need to burn more calories than you consume. If you want to save money, you need to stop spending. If you want to quit smoking, you need to just stop. At some point along the journey of wanting to change, you need to take action and make it, even if it's uncomfortable. All change is uncomfortable but that's how we grow. You are the one in control of what goes into your body, your lungs, and your wallet.

Here's the key to do it successfully: Don't worry about forever, just choose to do the new behavior today and then choose to do it again tomorrow. What you do everyday matters more than what you do once in a while. By doing a little bit each day, you will get a lot accomplished and reach your goals much faster. I've heard that the best way to break a habit is to create a new one. As you take small consistent steps each day, you are doing just that whether your habit was overeating or overspending.

What if you're not trying to change a behavior but create a new one? Maybe you have a dream that has yet to be fulfilled, a book inside you waiting to be written, an adventure you've always wanted to take? The steps are the same, first decide, then commit to taking action towards it daily. Nothing happens by just thinking about it. Imagine if the pyramids remained someone's dream, or any great works of art, books, Google? These all started as an idea, but it took action to make them real, and so can you. You know as much as most people, and everyday people create great things everyday.


Someone gave you life, now you have the opportunity to give birth to yourself. To become the person you were always meant to be and live the life you were meant to have. It's all about choice: to live in fear of change and live how you have; or to feel the fear and do it anyways opening to the possibilities that await you. This can be your year! The choice is yours.