So lets start with the small stuff today, why are we here, and what is our purpose? Yeah, right. But isn't that what we are all looking for, some direction to follow in which we give meaning to our seemingly painful, and mundane lives? We seem to strive for that moment when everything will fit together, the climax of our lives that will make everything easier and more worthwhile. Only that moment will never come. Life isn't about reaching a climax, it's a series of events, one after another, and no more meaning than you give it.
One of my dearest friends had expressed to me that they had a fear of being irrelevant, of not mattering. I think most of us can relate to this. We all want to feel like we are worthy of love, appreciation, and having a meaningful existence. I believe the fear itself is really a beautiful thing because it represents the desire to transcend into being more than we are and living a life with purpose.
The Buddha spoke of the "Heavenly Messengers," which consist of the basic truths of the human experience: we are all born, we will all get sick, we will all lose everything we love, we will all age, and we will all eventually die. Pretty sobering truths. However, I see these truths as a great hope. You see, these messengers are here to create the framework of our existence, it's what we do within that framework that gives our lives meaning. If we could grasp the magnitude of these messengers, we would be capable of seeing past the myopia of our own minds and lives and see the greater picture of what unites all of us together.There is such a huge opportunity for compassion, forgiveness, and love because there is so much loss. Life is hard, for all of us, so what can we do in our short lives that will matter? I guarantee it won't involve working more hours, or spending less time with those you love.
I too want to live a meaningful life, I want to matter, and I want to be relevant. What I am realizing is this: to live with meaning, we must give it one; to matter, others must matter to us; and to be relevant, is to be congruent with the person you are and the person you want to be. So here's what I'm trying: work less, play more, love always.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
The divine children...
Last Friday I had a beautiful and mind blowing experience. I'll tell you, you might think I'm crazy, I thought I was crazy for a few moments, but it was the kind of crazy I wanted to stay. Forever.
It happened while I was teaching my noon hour corporate class. They are an amazing group consisting of varying ages and abilities and I have been lucky enough to teach them for the past year. The class itself started like any other, and then everything shifted as I was observing them in tree pose. All of them were working so hard to do their personal best, and suddenly as I was watching them, everything was different, as they almost seemed to change into what I could only describe as rainbows of light and colour. Each of them separate, unique, but intensely beautiful in their own way, and expressing this individual colour through their bodies in asana. It was wild. Then I noticed their actual bodies and realized that appearance of each physical self, is just an accident, it's just kind of what came out to support the non-physical self, and completely irrelevant to the spectacular rainbows of light that lay inside.
In those moments nothing had actually changed, but how I was seeing things had completely changed. I felt such an overflow of love for these individuals on such a deep level I fought back tears because I was so overcome by it. It was such a remarkable way to feel, and I wanted to hold on to it as long as possible, knowing that it would eventually pass. It was a challenge to find the balance of being in the experience while maintaining instruction of the class.
At the end during Shavasana, I always come around to each student and give them a small neck and head massage with a little personal blessing. This time as I looked at each face, I saw them each as the child they once were, and the child they continue to be, through the innocence that still lives inside us all. I felt such a loving nurturing energy come from me as I blessed and cared for each beautiful perfect soul. They gave more to me in those moments then they will ever know.
The moment has passed, and those feelings have dulled, but as a wise man once said to me "You can never not know something once you know." I now know that I was witnessing the truth of each of us, that we are all the divine child dancing in the beauty of our own light.
It happened while I was teaching my noon hour corporate class. They are an amazing group consisting of varying ages and abilities and I have been lucky enough to teach them for the past year. The class itself started like any other, and then everything shifted as I was observing them in tree pose. All of them were working so hard to do their personal best, and suddenly as I was watching them, everything was different, as they almost seemed to change into what I could only describe as rainbows of light and colour. Each of them separate, unique, but intensely beautiful in their own way, and expressing this individual colour through their bodies in asana. It was wild. Then I noticed their actual bodies and realized that appearance of each physical self, is just an accident, it's just kind of what came out to support the non-physical self, and completely irrelevant to the spectacular rainbows of light that lay inside.
In those moments nothing had actually changed, but how I was seeing things had completely changed. I felt such an overflow of love for these individuals on such a deep level I fought back tears because I was so overcome by it. It was such a remarkable way to feel, and I wanted to hold on to it as long as possible, knowing that it would eventually pass. It was a challenge to find the balance of being in the experience while maintaining instruction of the class.
At the end during Shavasana, I always come around to each student and give them a small neck and head massage with a little personal blessing. This time as I looked at each face, I saw them each as the child they once were, and the child they continue to be, through the innocence that still lives inside us all. I felt such a loving nurturing energy come from me as I blessed and cared for each beautiful perfect soul. They gave more to me in those moments then they will ever know.
The moment has passed, and those feelings have dulled, but as a wise man once said to me "You can never not know something once you know." I now know that I was witnessing the truth of each of us, that we are all the divine child dancing in the beauty of our own light.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Take a breath
Yogis often talk about breath being the center of practice. Whether it be asana (postures), or meditation (seated), each is based on focused breathing. So why so much focus on breath? It seems almost silly to focus on something as normal as breathing. I mean, we all do it, all of the time, and we don't even have to think about it. It just happens.
Exactly.
In 10,000 years our DNA has stayed virtually the same, yet our lives have changed drastically. We no longer live in caves, spear our food, or worry about dying during childbirth. Instead we have cell phones, 12 hour days, working weekends, television, email, podcasts, and a whole host of activities and responsibilities that in order to manage and function within the craziness of it all, are becoming numb.
I see it everywhere. We are becoming so numb to our actual lives that we are starting to become thrill seekers to feel alive. Movies and video games are becoming more violent and more real, TV shows are voyeuristic (I mean seriously, why aren't you living your own life instead of watching someone else's? Such a weird phenomenon), relationships are expendable once they lose their luster (you only need to look at divorce rates), we worship materialism like a god, and booze and drugs have become the most acceptable form of socializing because then you can really 'let loose' and 'be yourself.' Really, and no wonder, because how could we ever possibly feel alive when we don't even recognize that we are. That you are. Alive. Right now.
So yogis were on to something. Take a moment and just sit. Exactly as you are. Let your body relax, and let go of any tension so you can let go of any thoughts that are playing out and purely focus on your body and breath. Feel the weight of the air as it hovers right below your nostrils that moment before you draw it in through your nose (do you realize you are taking in a gas filled with tiny little particles into your body right now?), feel it expand into your lungs (it is now creating a chemical process in your body transforming gas into fuel to keep your body alive), and then feel the release of the breath out through the nose (your body discerned exactly what particles to use creating this reaction and released the rest as waste), before sending it back out into the universe around you. This simple process is really magic. Each breath is really a miracle. There are so many variables that need to occur to not only make this process happen, but possible all together.
Yogis believe that bringing awareness to breath and body are the gateway to the divine which dwells within each of us. While most of us are rushing to keep up with our busy lives, and trying to find things outside of ourselves to feel alive in the moment, yogis are drawing inward. We don't need to look outside ourselves for the answers, wisdom comes from within. So take a moment to sit, take a breath, and realize the miracle that you are. Alive.
Exactly.
In 10,000 years our DNA has stayed virtually the same, yet our lives have changed drastically. We no longer live in caves, spear our food, or worry about dying during childbirth. Instead we have cell phones, 12 hour days, working weekends, television, email, podcasts, and a whole host of activities and responsibilities that in order to manage and function within the craziness of it all, are becoming numb.
I see it everywhere. We are becoming so numb to our actual lives that we are starting to become thrill seekers to feel alive. Movies and video games are becoming more violent and more real, TV shows are voyeuristic (I mean seriously, why aren't you living your own life instead of watching someone else's? Such a weird phenomenon), relationships are expendable once they lose their luster (you only need to look at divorce rates), we worship materialism like a god, and booze and drugs have become the most acceptable form of socializing because then you can really 'let loose' and 'be yourself.' Really, and no wonder, because how could we ever possibly feel alive when we don't even recognize that we are. That you are. Alive. Right now.
So yogis were on to something. Take a moment and just sit. Exactly as you are. Let your body relax, and let go of any tension so you can let go of any thoughts that are playing out and purely focus on your body and breath. Feel the weight of the air as it hovers right below your nostrils that moment before you draw it in through your nose (do you realize you are taking in a gas filled with tiny little particles into your body right now?), feel it expand into your lungs (it is now creating a chemical process in your body transforming gas into fuel to keep your body alive), and then feel the release of the breath out through the nose (your body discerned exactly what particles to use creating this reaction and released the rest as waste), before sending it back out into the universe around you. This simple process is really magic. Each breath is really a miracle. There are so many variables that need to occur to not only make this process happen, but possible all together.
Yogis believe that bringing awareness to breath and body are the gateway to the divine which dwells within each of us. While most of us are rushing to keep up with our busy lives, and trying to find things outside of ourselves to feel alive in the moment, yogis are drawing inward. We don't need to look outside ourselves for the answers, wisdom comes from within. So take a moment to sit, take a breath, and realize the miracle that you are. Alive.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
The light
One of the things I have struggled with since I was very young has been looking people in the eye. I have consciously been acting on remedying this behavior over the years, but some days it's still tough. I was listening to a podcast this morning and it triggered something in my mind.
I had believed that by averting my eyes I could protect myself from anyone seeing who I really was. That if anyone saw this dark, horrible, fraud, then there was no possible way they could love or accept me. The truth is, the things I carried shame from were from when I was a child and young adult learning about life. They are things that I would forgive any child for doing, so why is it so different when it's about me? Why should I be so lucky to be exempt from making mistakes, and then have the luxury of beating myself up over it?
All of us are included in the experience of being human together, and part of that experience includes the discomforts of being human as well. I honestly believe that all of us make the best choices available to us at the time. All of us want to love an be loved, to be seen, and to connect with each other. However, not all of us are given the same set of tools in how to make good choices depending on the experiences in our lives. So we make mistakes, we learn, and we try again. There are no rules to this experience of life, and often we get hurt, hurt each other along the way, and over time may start to feel shame and unworthiness.
The podcast stated that when we see the beauty in another, we become a mirror for that person to see the beauty in themselves. We become a light, to show them the beauty and the truth of who they really are. To see the beauty in another is to see the Buddha in yourself. How I see this, is that if I am to be really true to my beliefs, it is my duty look people in the eye, to let them and me be seen. It is my, and our, responsibility to be a light for those around us to help them see their own perfect Buddha nature. If we allow ourselves to become a light, we give others permission to shine themselves.
I had believed that by averting my eyes I could protect myself from anyone seeing who I really was. That if anyone saw this dark, horrible, fraud, then there was no possible way they could love or accept me. The truth is, the things I carried shame from were from when I was a child and young adult learning about life. They are things that I would forgive any child for doing, so why is it so different when it's about me? Why should I be so lucky to be exempt from making mistakes, and then have the luxury of beating myself up over it?
All of us are included in the experience of being human together, and part of that experience includes the discomforts of being human as well. I honestly believe that all of us make the best choices available to us at the time. All of us want to love an be loved, to be seen, and to connect with each other. However, not all of us are given the same set of tools in how to make good choices depending on the experiences in our lives. So we make mistakes, we learn, and we try again. There are no rules to this experience of life, and often we get hurt, hurt each other along the way, and over time may start to feel shame and unworthiness.
The podcast stated that when we see the beauty in another, we become a mirror for that person to see the beauty in themselves. We become a light, to show them the beauty and the truth of who they really are. To see the beauty in another is to see the Buddha in yourself. How I see this, is that if I am to be really true to my beliefs, it is my duty look people in the eye, to let them and me be seen. It is my, and our, responsibility to be a light for those around us to help them see their own perfect Buddha nature. If we allow ourselves to become a light, we give others permission to shine themselves.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
We are the ones we've been waiting for...
I read an excerpt from "Meditations from the Mat," which has a quote from a Hopi elder from the 1999 Summer Solstice in Arizona that has been on my mind lately. It said:
"There is a river flowing now, very fast. It is so great and swift that there are those who will be afraid. They will try to hold on to the shore. They will feel they are being torn apart and suffer greatly. Know that the river has its destination. The elders say we must push off into the middle of the river, keep our eyes open and our heads above water. See who is in there with you and celebrate. At this time in history we are to take nothing personally, least of all ourselves, for the moment we do that, our spiritual growth comes to a halt. The time of the lone wolf is over. Gather yourselves; banish the word 'struggle' from your attitude and vocabulary. All that we do now must be done in a sacred way and in celebration. We are the ones we've been waiting for."
What I find so compelling about this statement is the truth behind it. We can all feel the restlessness within our own lives. Something is happening to everyone I talk to. The feeling that there must be something more, that life has to mean more than going to a decent paying job everyday, buying more things, and present ourselves as successful beings only to come home empty and depleted. Living lives of quiet desperation. Each and everyone of us knows deep inside that we are meant for more, if we could just find the courage to step into the canoe and see what magic lies ahead. If we could let go of our need to to hold onto our egos, our need for control, and lay our trust into the universe and each other.
I know that if each one of us started taking small steps towards the canoe, we would become a light unto each other. Giving all those around us the permission to also take risks, and consequently to shine even brighter. The time is now, we are the ones we've been waiting for.
"There is a river flowing now, very fast. It is so great and swift that there are those who will be afraid. They will try to hold on to the shore. They will feel they are being torn apart and suffer greatly. Know that the river has its destination. The elders say we must push off into the middle of the river, keep our eyes open and our heads above water. See who is in there with you and celebrate. At this time in history we are to take nothing personally, least of all ourselves, for the moment we do that, our spiritual growth comes to a halt. The time of the lone wolf is over. Gather yourselves; banish the word 'struggle' from your attitude and vocabulary. All that we do now must be done in a sacred way and in celebration. We are the ones we've been waiting for."
What I find so compelling about this statement is the truth behind it. We can all feel the restlessness within our own lives. Something is happening to everyone I talk to. The feeling that there must be something more, that life has to mean more than going to a decent paying job everyday, buying more things, and present ourselves as successful beings only to come home empty and depleted. Living lives of quiet desperation. Each and everyone of us knows deep inside that we are meant for more, if we could just find the courage to step into the canoe and see what magic lies ahead. If we could let go of our need to to hold onto our egos, our need for control, and lay our trust into the universe and each other.
I know that if each one of us started taking small steps towards the canoe, we would become a light unto each other. Giving all those around us the permission to also take risks, and consequently to shine even brighter. The time is now, we are the ones we've been waiting for.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Angels in disguise
I believe angels walk among us, white knights and fairies too. I really do. There is real magic in this world if you only open your eyes. Only last week I encountered an angel...
I have been teaching 20 classes a week for almost 2 years now, most people say I am crazy, and some days I feel it too, and lately more than I'd like to. I had been feeling burnt out, uninspired, and sick of my own voice, and then...like magic, poof!...an angel walked into my life! After class last week, I was chatting with one of my very wonderful students, and she had asked me what else I do for work. The conversation went something like this:
I laughed, "This is all I do for work, I teach yoga full time."
"You mean you get to do this everyday? You get to be in this space, immersed in yoga all the time?"
"Yeah...I guess I do," I said smiling.
"Oh, my gosh! You are so lucky! I get to come here for an hour, when I can fit it in to my life. You get to live this stuff everyday!"
"Its true, I really do."
And that's when I got it. I mean I REALLY got it. I suddenly had a vision of me a few years ago, struggling in my life, unhappy, and wishing that I could live a life aligned with my values, where I was using my body, and helping others to realize amazing lives for themselves. I realized, that I had literally done a 180 degree turn from where my life was, to where it is now, and I am currently living my dream that I had wished for and more. Isn't that remarkable? What I had wanted, my deepest hearts desire, is here, right now, as my life, and I couldn't see it for what it was.
What my angel had done, is succeed in waking me up to the wonderment and beauty of my life. I had such a profound experience of gratitude, for my lovely student (who is surely my teacher as well), and for the life I was living. Its true, I 'get' to do this yoga thing everyday, I 'get' to live its philosophy, I 'get' to live my life on my terms, and I can also 'get' to appreciate how wonderful it is as long as I can keep my eyes open to it.
I have been teaching 20 classes a week for almost 2 years now, most people say I am crazy, and some days I feel it too, and lately more than I'd like to. I had been feeling burnt out, uninspired, and sick of my own voice, and then...like magic, poof!...an angel walked into my life! After class last week, I was chatting with one of my very wonderful students, and she had asked me what else I do for work. The conversation went something like this:
I laughed, "This is all I do for work, I teach yoga full time."
"You mean you get to do this everyday? You get to be in this space, immersed in yoga all the time?"
"Yeah...I guess I do," I said smiling.
"Oh, my gosh! You are so lucky! I get to come here for an hour, when I can fit it in to my life. You get to live this stuff everyday!"
"Its true, I really do."
And that's when I got it. I mean I REALLY got it. I suddenly had a vision of me a few years ago, struggling in my life, unhappy, and wishing that I could live a life aligned with my values, where I was using my body, and helping others to realize amazing lives for themselves. I realized, that I had literally done a 180 degree turn from where my life was, to where it is now, and I am currently living my dream that I had wished for and more. Isn't that remarkable? What I had wanted, my deepest hearts desire, is here, right now, as my life, and I couldn't see it for what it was.
What my angel had done, is succeed in waking me up to the wonderment and beauty of my life. I had such a profound experience of gratitude, for my lovely student (who is surely my teacher as well), and for the life I was living. Its true, I 'get' to do this yoga thing everyday, I 'get' to live its philosophy, I 'get' to live my life on my terms, and I can also 'get' to appreciate how wonderful it is as long as I can keep my eyes open to it.
Friday, January 15, 2010
Who am I?
After teaching tonight, I was in the shower, my mind racing with what I would write as my first post. I mean, this is my introduction of me to the virtual world, and what I say could have drastic implications on how my blog is viewed....right?
So, my thoughts started going to how do I introduce myself...who am I? Everything I thought of to describe myself started to feel inadequate. I could introduce a physical description: 31 years old, 5'3", blond hair, blue eyes; I could introduce my vocations: yoga and JourneyDance instructor, Wellness Coach and workshop facilitator; my life's intentions: to live joyously, with meaning, and help others do the same; but how would I introduce me and what aspects are relevant?
We all have experienced different aspects of ourselves that show up in different places and different times. Some, have an aspect that is our "work me", or "party me", "yoga me", "spouse me", and the list goes on. I started thinking of when I used to work in bars, and the "bar me" was an extremely fun, flirtatious, easy going party girl. I was always happy, had something witty to say, and was very interested in everything you...my patron. I stopped making friends with my patrons because they soon realized that once I was out of uniform, out of my environment, I was a much more quiet, introspective person with some pretty intense philosophies of the world. I was tired of feeling that I was disappointing them so I just stopped making friends at work. I had no idea how to merge these two parts of me to be an authentic representation of who I was.
Then when I started teaching yoga, I finally felt like I could rest into who I really was. But in fact, I started to feel as though I now had to fit into a different role. One in which I had to be wholesome, spiritual, practice daily,and not drink booze. It was a lot of pressure to be this yogini I thought I had to be. Especially coming from the complete opposite environment in my past. The interesting thing is, as I actually started living my truth, speaking my truth, and being my truth, none of that mattered anymore. As the duplicity or even multiplicity, of who I was merged into one whole being I actually became more wholesome and spiritual, practicing daily became a part of my daily ritual, and I no longer care to have a few drinks to let go, because there's no longer anything to let go of.
So, how do I want myself introduced? My name is Tina, I'm a young woman with big dreams, with an open heart, a lot of faith, and just trying to figure it all out. Nice to meet you.
So, my thoughts started going to how do I introduce myself...who am I? Everything I thought of to describe myself started to feel inadequate. I could introduce a physical description: 31 years old, 5'3", blond hair, blue eyes; I could introduce my vocations: yoga and JourneyDance instructor, Wellness Coach and workshop facilitator; my life's intentions: to live joyously, with meaning, and help others do the same; but how would I introduce me and what aspects are relevant?
We all have experienced different aspects of ourselves that show up in different places and different times. Some, have an aspect that is our "work me", or "party me", "yoga me", "spouse me", and the list goes on. I started thinking of when I used to work in bars, and the "bar me" was an extremely fun, flirtatious, easy going party girl. I was always happy, had something witty to say, and was very interested in everything you...my patron. I stopped making friends with my patrons because they soon realized that once I was out of uniform, out of my environment, I was a much more quiet, introspective person with some pretty intense philosophies of the world. I was tired of feeling that I was disappointing them so I just stopped making friends at work. I had no idea how to merge these two parts of me to be an authentic representation of who I was.
Then when I started teaching yoga, I finally felt like I could rest into who I really was. But in fact, I started to feel as though I now had to fit into a different role. One in which I had to be wholesome, spiritual, practice daily,and not drink booze. It was a lot of pressure to be this yogini I thought I had to be. Especially coming from the complete opposite environment in my past. The interesting thing is, as I actually started living my truth, speaking my truth, and being my truth, none of that mattered anymore. As the duplicity or even multiplicity, of who I was merged into one whole being I actually became more wholesome and spiritual, practicing daily became a part of my daily ritual, and I no longer care to have a few drinks to let go, because there's no longer anything to let go of.
So, how do I want myself introduced? My name is Tina, I'm a young woman with big dreams, with an open heart, a lot of faith, and just trying to figure it all out. Nice to meet you.
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